We welcomed our son, Elijah Paul, into the world on September 16th at 6:16am. I wanted to record his birth so that I could share this special story with Eli someday; as well as, help inform and inspire other mamas in their own unique labor and delivery.
The last 4 weeks have flown by with little Eli by my side! Every day we are both learning and growing together. As a first time mom, I keep telling myself to have grace and patience as we figure a new life out together as a family of three (Ember says family of four) and so far things are going well!
Preparing for An Unmedicated Birth
Since birth stories were fundamental to learning about labor and delivery during my pregnancy, I wanted to record a fairly thorough account of our story in hopes of helping someone else along the way. I listened to a ton of podcasts featuring birth stories and read a lot of blog posts. I truly feel that others’ experiences, opinions, and circumstances helped prepare me better than any birth class would have. Instead of fearing birth, I was eager to put all my knowledge and mindfulness practice into action! For those of you who have never really read or listened to a birth story, this is your forewarning that I go into great detail so take it as you wish.
To help prepare for birth I read the books Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Mama Natural’s Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth, and Birth Without Fear. In addition, I watched YouTube and Instagram videos of births, and listened to podcasts on pregnancy and birth (some of my favorites: The Birth Hour, Birthful, The Birth Kweens, Evidence Based Birth, Fear Free Childbirth, and To Birth and Beyond). Once I found out I was pregnant, I knew right away that I wanted to look into midwifery care as my primary support. The UW Midwives were wonderful throughout my entire pregnancy; I felt heard and well cared for. After doing some research and reading, I decided I’d try my best for an unmedicated birth. I fully support the use of epidurals and other medications for those that choose or need them; I just felt going unmedicated was most ideal for me and my baby. NO MATTER HOW YOU BIRTH IS NATURAL AND BEAUTIFUL MAMA!!
Early Labor
Let’s get to the actual labor and delivery! On Sunday September 15th, Alex and I were going about our normal Sunday afternoon activities of cleaning and meal prep. I had been feeling a bit more cramping and Braxton hicks (BH) contractions happening the previous 2-3 days, but on Sunday they seemed a little more frequent. I was distracted by cooking and really didn’t think much of them until around 5:30pm. I started tracking them a short while later using the app Full Term and realized there were about 10 minutes apart, but the duration of the contraction was all over the place. I couldn’t really determine when the contraction stopped as the “pain” (more just sensation at this point) was minimal and fizzled out with unnoticeable stopping points. I had been texting my sister (a mama herself) and she agreed that I should jump in the shower and then try to lay down and go to sleep. If they were real contractions I likely wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, but if there were just BH contractions I’d sleep through them and wake up Monday like nothing happened. So I did just that.
I was in bed around 8:30pm and tried to sleep. I could still feel something happening in my uterus, but again, it wasn’t painful just annoying. I didn’t end up falling asleep and by 10:30pm I decided to get out of bed in order to let Alex sleep better. I went downstairs to recline on the couch and started tracking the contractions on the app again. At this point they were lasting almost exactly 1 minute and were coming every 4-6 minutes. I had to close my eyes and slowly breath through them, but the incline of the couch was much better than laying flat. For the next 2 hours or so I went from the couch, to the bathroom, to the living room floor trying to get through the contractions by slowly and deeply breathing out with an open mouth. Leaning over the counter in the bathroom or kitchen table was also comforting. Other helpful positions were child’s pose and rocking on all fours on the ground.
Active Labor
By 11:30pm the contractions were roughly 3 minutes apart so I decided to wake Alex up and tell him that I needed him and maybe he should finish packing. I collected all my bathroom items and he loaded the car up. I called my midwives at 11:55pm and was thinking they would tell us to come in since my contractions were only 3 minutes apart. BUT, after conversing for a while the midwife thought it would be best if I wait it out a bit longer at home where I was comfortable and more relaxed. In the end, I’m glad we stayed home longer, but in the moment I was a bit frustrated. I think what triggered her to have me stay home is that I told her that “either I have a high pain tolerance or the contractions weren’t as intense as I was expecting”.
So, we stayed home another 2.25 hours. The midwife had suggested I try taking a warm bath. I had been texting with my doula as well and she had said the same thing, so I started filling the tub (super glad I had thoroughly cleaned it the previous week!). I brought in our touch dimming light from the baby room and set it to low light. The tub wasn’t as much relief as I had hoped for unfortunately. I really wasn’t able to relax at all during contractions (I think because I was more in a supine position), and I only stayed in the water for 10 minutes.
I went back downstairs since the couch and floor had been more relaxing. Ember, our dog, was downstairs by this point and I remember her giving me this look like, “mom, what are you doing...I want to sleep!” In the moment, it made me smile and laugh (she is pretty good at doing that). At this point, sitting wasn’t comfortable so I was going from the toilet to leaning over the bathroom counter, to leaning over the kitchen table, to child’s pose, to all fours on the living room floor. Alex was timing the contractions at this point, as well as offering me water.
Walking and staying active was what felt best. During breaks, I was drinking water and trying to slow my breathing down. One thing I had learned in my preparation was to not tense up, and instead really blow out as much air, fear, and anxiety as possible with open lips. In addition, using low groaning or moaning sounds instead of shrieks or screams was going to help progress things better. So this is what I did! By 1:30am or so the contractions were 2.5 minutes apart so we called the midwives again as I was really getting anxious and didn’t want to have a baby in the car. Alex had to do most of the talking as I couldn’t talk during contractions. The midwife listened to me breath during contractions and asked us a few questions that I don’t really recall. I just remember being frustrated because she wasn’t being very direct with us and was more or less giving us the choice to come in or stay at home and have our doula come help me labor a little longer. I just needed someone to tell me what to do at this point! Finally, Alex told the midwife we would text our doula to come over and then play it by ear and come in when we felt we needed to. Alex texted Angie, our doula and she said she’d be on her way. Well, within the next 15-20 minutes I had what they call the bloody show (blood and mucus that comes out usually in early labor). Also, I should note that my mucus plug had started coming out on Saturday, September 7th. I was so relieved when I saw blood; this was a sign that things were heading in the right direction! I literally shrieked with joy in the bathroom and Alex laughed. I think because my water had not broken yet and/or there was no blood previously, my midwife felt we were safe to stay home. This blood was my sign to get my butt to the hospital! We told our doula that we were heading to the hospital and to meet us there instead.
I waited until right after I had a contraction to get into the car, hoping I’d have less of them in the car. It was super foggy out, so of course Alex couldn’t drive that fast. I had like four contractions in the car which were super fun...not!! My sister had previously advised me to go in the back seats and stay on all fours so that’s what I did while leaning over the carseat.
We got to the hospital around 2:45am. Alex dropped me off on the main level where I waited for him to come in, while leaning over a bench and having a contraction. As we walked over to triage, we saw our doula, Angie, who was with us from that point until 2 hours or so after Eli’s birth. I asked Alex to check me in as I felt like the contractions were coming so frequently, and I really couldn’t keep my eyes open or talk during them. We had to wait a bit for a nurse to come get us and bring us back to a triage room. They started taking my vitals right away and strapping two monitors on my belly to see how baby boy was doing. I didn’t want to lay down so they let me stand up, which was a relief as breathing while leaning over during a contraction was the only, somewhat, tolerable position at this point. My midwife, Hannah, came in and talked to me briefly (much of which I don’t recall). She asked if she could check me and said she could do it while I was standing as long as I could spread my legs some. She said I was dilated to a 6! What a relief!! The nurse asked me some questions and continued monitoring my contractions and baby. It felt like we were in this triage room forever, but according to Angie, it was a lot shorter than most of her previous encounters. At some point, I asked Hannah if there was a water birthing room available and she said she thought so! I remember being very grateful at this point as it was my dream to at least give water birth a try (but I also had a healthy understanding that it may not be right for me and/or baby). They called up to the delivery floor to have them start filling the tub with water. After some more contractions, during which Hannah and Angie offered counter pressure on my lower back and hips, I walked up to my delivery room with Alex, Angie, and Hannah by my side. The whole time from being in the car to walking to my delivery room, my eyes were closed during contractions; I really felt like I was in another world. I could have cared less about what I looked like or sounded like!
The room was quiet, dim, and sparkled with Christmas lights. Just what I had envisioned! I didn’t waste any time, stripped down to my sports bra and got in the tub with the help of Hannah. What a relief! The warm water felt so good this time. I had a few contractions in the tub on my hands and knees as well as leaning over the edge of the tub while on my knees. The water really helped me open up more and also relax between contractions. Even though I was in a tub that was probably 7 feet by 4 feet or so, I didn’t feel restricted in my movement at all. I went from a more reclined seated position, to my knees, to leaning over the edge with new contractions and kept moving until I was somewhat comfortable during breaks. Alex read affirmation cards I had prepared Sunday evening out loud to me and this was a lot of encouragement. All the while, my doula was whispering words of encouragement, telling me to slow my breathing after a contraction, stay relaxed, and to not be fearful. At some point, I asked Angie to put on my worship playlist for some background noise. As the contractions intensified, I found myself groaning, moaning, and almost roaring through them. In all honesty, I felt very primal and was in a deep, deep zone of my own. During the moaning, I had what I would call an out of body experience where my body just took over and pushed my baby down. It was like my vocalization and contraction were working together to bring him down. I was not physically pushing at this point. Although, after a few intense contractions like this, my body was instinctively telling me to bear down and push through the contraction.
The Pushing Phase
I followed my instincts and pushed with each contraction. My midwife, doula, and nurse all seemed to recognize this and said I was doing awesome. I remember Hannah saying, “You are such a strong mama, you got this girl” multiple times. At some point, Hannah asked me to step out of the tub and go sit on the toilet (which was only 5 feet away) to help me better feel what “pushing through my bottom” felt like. She kept saying I was pushing too far forward and using too much of my chest muscles (thank you CrossFit ha!). Once on the toilet, it was much easier to understand what she was talking about. It literally felt like I was trying to take the largest dump while pushing out a bowling ball at the same time (you’re welcome for that picture).
I went back to the tub and pushed with the contractions while seated back and grabbing the hand holds that were built in, then would move to all fours or leaning over the tub once more. Again, Hannah was saying to push through my butt, which I felt like I was doing but apparently not effectively enough. Hannah had me go back to the toilet for a few more contractions/pushes. This time, Alex was standing right in front of me, and I leaned my head into his stomach while gripping onto his hips for dear life during a contraction.
Now back in the tub, I remember saying out loud to myself a few times, “YOU CAN DO THIS KELSEY!” and everyone else would say, “YES, YOU CAN!” I know my preparation really helped me stay positive. I never once thought about pain relief, but the last hour of pushing I definitely thought it was getting too intense and difficult. Everyone was so good at offering me water and placing cold wash clothes on my back and forehead. At some point during a contraction, my midwife told me to reach down and touch my baby’s head as he was crowning. It was so surreal! As is natural, his head went back up slightly after pushing, but I knew this was good and ok as it was slowly stretching my perineum so it wouldn’t tear. Hannah had me keep moving around and push in different positions to help open my hips more.
At some point near the end of the pushing phase, I could really feel the “ring of fire” as his head was slowly getting deeper. I had read and heard others’ experience with the ring of fire pain, but I was not prepared for how long it lasted for me. It was so intense and I kept saying, “ouch, ouch, ouch”. It was hard to stay focused on my breathing and vocalization at this point because of the firey pain! This was by far the most difficult part of labor for me. I think this lasted for 10-15 minutes or so and of course was more and more intense with every push.
The baby’s heart rate had been slowly dropping as he was in the birth canal, and I could sense more of an urgency from Hannah to get him out. She told me to stand in the tub and try pushing. Deep down I knew my baby was going to be ok, it was like God was reassuring me he was fine, but I also really, really wanted him out of me so the ring of fire pain would stop. This gave me more motivation to really bear down and push. For the next two contractions I was in a Captain Morgan type stance, with one leg up on a ledge in the tub and the other on the tub’ floor. I pushed really deep through my bottom and held the push way longer than prior pushes (I learned this was what I lacked earlier). I basically pushed until I had no breath left (maybe 1-2 pushes per contraction, where the other contractions I had 2-4 pushes). This left me totally depleted as I was using every muscle in my body and squatted into the push. During my last contraction, the nurse and Hannah were saying that he was coming and to keep pushing! The next thing I knew our son was born!! He came out all at once, which I was so thankful for. Hannah caught him since I was standing/squatting and pulled him through my legs and handed him to me. To be honest, I was so relieved that he was out and the pain had somewhat subsided that I forget what my initial reaction was. I do remember saying, “He has so much hair!,” something I was not anticipating at all since I was bald as a baby. Hannah told me to recline down back into the water so he’d stay warm. At this point I remember looking him in the face as he was screaming on my chest, and thanking God that he was healthy and strong (something I had prayed for every day of my pregnancy). God is faithful! Alex was near my head and touching Eli and said something along the lines of, “Our son is here!” I remember calling Elijah by his name as I was trying to reassure him that all was ok, and it all felt like a fairytale! They waited for Eli’s cord to stop pulsating (per my request) before Alex cut the cord.
The “Afterbirth”
I feel like it was 5 minutes or so later that Hannah asked me to stand up slowly. She pulled slightly on the cut cord to see if my placenta was ready to come out. It was, so she told me to bear down one last time, it slipped right out into the water with the strangest sensation but didn’t hurt at all (much to my surprise). Eli and I walked to the bed where I laid down to be checked and do more skin-to-skin. Eli started moving his head towards my breast right away! Angie, helped guide me and talked through some breastfeeding tips. Apparently, I had lost more blood than they were comfortable with, so Hannah asked if it was ok to administer the shot of Pitocin I had declined (unless addressed with me prior) in my birth preferences. I agreed. I kept looking at Eli in awe and shock that he was here, paying little attention to what Hannah and the nurse were doing. My bleeding didn’t slow down much so they said starting an IV of Pitocin was procedure at this point. Of course, I didn’t want to bleed out any more so I agreed. This is literally the only thing that went astray from my “loose birth plan” so I am really grateful. Hannah said I didn't have any perineal tears which was a big relief considering how much the crowning phase (ring of fire) burned. I just needed 3 separate stitches in my labia, nothing major at all! (I considered not sharing this part of our story on the internet, but it is all part of the birth process and I would like to be real and honest to help normalize birth).
Between Hannah cleaning me up and putting the stitches in and the cramping in my uterus from the Pitocin, I was NOT comfortable. They call the cramping pain associated with the uterus shrinking and riding of blood/fluid the “afterbirth” and it is REAL. I was not prepared for how intense this pain would be. The IV Pitocin definitely intensified this and I had to close my eyes and breath through the cramping for a bit. It made my bonding time with Eli not as pleasant and I wish they could have slowed down my IV, which my doula suggested I inquire about, but the new day shift nurse said she couldn’t and that it was procedure to let it run at the rate it was at for the full 30 minutes. I didn’t quit feel heard, but this is literally my only complaint of the whole hospital experience so all-in-all I was treated very well. I think if my midwife would have still been in the room, when I inquired, things would have been handled differently. I will likely ask about this at my 6-week postpartum appointment, so I know for next time should this arise again.
Eli, Alex, and I got to hang out for a good while. Eli was nursing (or learning to) the whole time and we eventually ordered some breakfast. After 1.5 hours they weighed and measured Elijah. He was wrapped in a swaddle and Angie gathered all our things so we could be transferred to our postpartum room. A little while later we were transferred and then left alone, just the three of us, our new family! Those first snuggles were glorious and so sweet! Birthing a child is so, so beautiful and definitely a work of God. Every baby is a true miracle! I’m forever grateful for our birth experience and truly blessed to be able to hold a beautiful, healthy baby. I’m soaking in these first weeks, as should every mama, especially the little fingers, feet, noses, and squeaks.
*Special thanks to my wonderful team: Alex (my supportive husband), Angie (Align Doula Services), Hannah (UW Health Midwifery), and the nurses at Meriter Hospital in Madison, I could not have done this without all of you!!